HP ProLiant MicroServer w/ 8GB ECC RAM: kernel panic on install

Attempted building USB media with:
HW:

  • old (read: reliable) 4GB Lexar Firefly USB 2.0 flash drive
  • brand new 32GB Samsung USB 3.0 flash drive

SW:

That’s 8 different combinations. At all times I got to the initial install screen. I selected the traditional install (first option). After which, the screen always went gray, then what appeared to be a kernel panic (see above photo of screen).

This is an HP ProLiant MicroServer N36L with 8GB ECC RAM. I did also use the onboard Memtest86 to test the RAM. No problems.

What on earth could be failing here? I’ve read:

  • the Quick Start guide
  • this forum post which mentioned the N36L/N40L as being “a little underpowered”, but not “incompatible”
  • this forum post regarding a “fix”, but not exactly explaining it for the layman
  • I read & re-read the USB install instructions page

I even went into the BIOS, did a “Load Optimum Defaults”, rebooted, back into BIOS, verified boot order, saved, booted … nada. Nada nada nah-t a flipping thing.

Ain’t nothing happening except a gray screen (occasionally with “Fast TSC calibration failed” at the top) then kernel panic, then nada.

WHAT AM I DOING WRONG!!?